S.Africa: Seething with extreme rage… rising to the occasion… taking bullets in my chest…. more balls than all of them…

Original Post Date: 2010-07-30 Time: 15:00:02  Posted By: Jan

What a 24 hours I have had. I did not even sleep well last night, though I knew I needed a good rest.

Yesterday I had a discussion with someone at my work close to me, and the long discussion annoyed me more than you can believe. I got so angry as I thought about the allegations against me.

You get these “politicians” who have many irons in the fire that they play very carefully and they have to be careful of this person and that person… and this person likes things left and that one likes it right, and that person wants it straight up with a side-ways twist and another wants it straight down…

I found myself listening to more and more politics. Don’t treat on this one’s toe because of this, and that one because of that. So-so is higher ranking that this-and-that, and wipe this one’s bum from the left, and kiss the other’s bum twice on the right cheek. And so it went on.

I became ever more annoyed. I had opened my mouth and made really wild suggestions… and I had got so used to speaking my mind that I did not realise what a can of worms I had opened up. Suddenly… managers were running for the doors… wanting to distance themselves from me and I was being accused of messing up people’s images… In fact, *EVERYTHING* I was doing was not to the liking of someone. This one said I must go left and another preferred it right.

I get very annoyed by people issues at a point. I also can’t stand it when everyone is too afraid of this and too afraid of that. I like to get things done. And I was told how this person was nearly fired for this and so forth and how I must watch my back.

Then too… I was told how those who defend me now won’t be around to defend me, then my enemies will overwhelm me and destroy me and have me fired.

I can’t stand it when “friends” (or those I thought were my friends), don’t stand by you. I stand by my friends. I don’t run. So it annoys me intensely when others are all afraid and ready to run… and leave me to the wolves.

I was absolutely seething with rage.

And I also began wondering if certain very cunning people were trying to ensure THE FAILURE or SABOTAGE OF my project which was going from strength to strength.

I felt betrayed, I was absolutely LIVID all night and until this morning.

Some people whom I had helped… had been given a task 2(43)+ months ago to do. They “failed” at it… because they were too lazy – in my view. Now… 2(43)+ months later… THEIR FAILURE was MASSIVELY IMPACTING my project and my chances of success. BECAUSE OF OTHERS… my project could fail. (These are the same people who wanted me fired).

I kicked up a ruckus in the last 3 days … and that ruckus then exploded in 10 different ways… all of them bad for me… except for one: I was allowed to go and FIX whatever problem was holding them up – and which was negatively impacting my system.

So now I got what I wanted… but… with all the EXTREME TENSION between myself and many managers… it was all done in a most unpleasant atmosphere.

I resolved to just knuckle down and do whatever I need to do, in order to sort everything out.

I was given 2 days to solve the problem. I went in this morning and solved 90% of the problem in one shot – the same thing that held them up for 2(43)+ months.

Then I decided to take all the bullets in my chest. I decided to write emails of apologies to those who claimed I had put them in a bad light. I watched extreme panic too… and I just decided to PERSONALLY TAKE RESPONSIBILITY for everything they were *ALL* whining about. It would shut them up and finally, they could point a finger at someone – ME! And if they wanted to… they had my “confession” in writing and could FIRE ME. I did all this, in order to save the reputation of the person complaining that I had damaged his image, etc, etc. I was sick of all the whining.

So I did it. I wrote the damned emails and thought: Fire me if you want. At least *I* take some form of responsibility.

Then I went to my enemies who wanted me fired, to solve the problems.

And boy I was successful. One very senior woman came to me and said, “Jan, we need you here…” I went to work, sorted out the issues and even trained some people. Just yesterday I’d said to my bosses that I do lots of work that IS NOT MY WORK, but I do it to get the job done. And I did that.

One mature white woman had watched me training the people, and she said to me, “I’ve never seen those 2 people smiling – EVER – and you really know your work!!!” She was exceptionally impressed with the way I handled the staff.

So I rose to the occasion, took all the bullets to stop the whining, and I dived in and did the work.

I also wanted to prove to them, that problems that hold entire departments up for 2 months can be solved by *ME* in ONE DAY!!! And I did.

The tension between myself and management on my side was the worst it has been in almost 2 years. It was really bad… but by the end of the day I came through, having succeeded on all scores, and nobody saying I must be fired.

So I still aced it, and I told them what the problem was with all the other roll-outs that aren’t happening and next week they will send people to do the training/hand-holding needed to kick-start the various departments.

Like I say, this is all crucial for my system and any prizes we get. We are MEASURED by how many people this went to… and those people were sabotaging about 50% of what we could have done.

Today was wild… but I pulled it off. Everyone was smiling by this afternoon. I was not kissing their asses. I gave them the curt feedback on what I’d done. For 2(43)+ months people have been whining and playing the blame game and it was going nowhere. I walked in and made decisions and took actions on the spot. By the end of the day, the huge hurdle was sorted out.

I showed them that I had more balls than all of them put together. Many are so afraid of emails… emails can get you fired. I wrote my confessions down, put it in emails and emailed it to the most important people. If they wanted me fired and hammered they could. I admitted I had done things I had no right to do… that I had done things without consulting the right people, etc, etc. There – FIRE ME IF YOU WANT. But nobody said a word.

But it gets better… My project does not have a budget since it is an innovation. Then someone came up with the idea in the heat of the moment that they can sell my time to other departments and that collectively, other departments could fund myself and a small team. Bingo! That is a major hurdle they overcame!!!

It gets better.

And… we met with a business user and we brainstormed ideas… The new ideas are incredible. We all know they will be EXCEPTIONALLY USEFUL. Within the last week I’ve come to realise that most of this entire ORGANISATION… might be using my system within a year. With a few cunning enhancements, almost every single one of them coming from *ME*… we will have a system that will have so much use that almost every team and every department will have a need to use it!!! Suddenly… the scope of the system has skyrocketed. Those who sat in on the meetings with me… were in awe of our plans.

I made lemonade out of my lemons. I walked on that fine edge once more… where everyone HATES YOU (remember everyone loved me a few weeks back… now they all HATED me) and everyone has something to complain about you… and half are standing there with knives ready to thrust into your back and the other half are getting ready to run as far away from you as humanly possible to abandon you altogether.

What I have also learned is that I’m on my own and some friends I thought I had, aren’t my friends. But it doesn’t matter. I’ve lived most of my life without friends anyway, so its nothing new.

I think I not only aced it, but showed them that I have more balls that *ALL* of those “politicians” put together.

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