[Hillarious – definitely NOT Politically correct! Jan]

**_Men:**

1. *_Castle_*_ _- unimaginative, boring, civil servant types stuck in a job they hate who drink alcohol purely because they do not have DSTV or girlfriend. This type thinks NuMetro is a kind of posh train service and that News Cafe is a bookshop. If you are a boss and you are looking for a loyal employee, look no further than a Castle drinker.

2. *_Hansa _*- this group is made up mostly of guys who used to be on
the cutting edge 10 years ago in the 90’s – but nobody has told them that having a studded fake diamond earring in one ear and gold-capped teeth ceased being socially-acceptable in 1994.. Because 90% of them have a cheesekop, they think anyone with any hair “i-bhari”.

3. *_Carling Black Label_* – stay away from this lot. If they have
never been to jail it’s because our Safety and Security Ministry is so inefficient or they are out on bail. Thugs, gangsters, murderers, Chiefs fans and wife-beaters. Will never own a better car than a 1992 Mazda Sting with 17-inch rims.

4. *_Amstel_*_ _- wannabe intellectual types who are label-conscious. On a Saturday afternoon the average Amstel drinker is typically dressed in a Bafana jersey, Diesel jeans and red R1,200 Nike sneakers. Typically drive a Golf V and own a Nokia 9300 phone.

5. *_Heineken_* – wannabe, pretentious types who fancy themselves to be
unique and on the cutting edge. Truth be told, they hate the taste of Heineken but will be damned if they will have their first love, Hansa. In 10 years, they will be just like today’s Hansa drinkers i.e. the guys everybody laughs at because they suport Sundowns.

6. *_Windhoek Lager_* – read the Heineken description but add, “don’t have the money to buy Heineken”

7. *_Miller_*_ _- closet fags who only have Miller in public. Truth be told, they are really Brutal Fruit/Bacardi Breezer/Smirnoff Spin drinkers in private.

8. *_Savannah_* – alcoholics who are acutely aware of that “6%v/v” on
the label.

9. *Castle Milk Stout* – aggressive alcoholics who do not know what “6%
v/v” means.

10. *_Castle Lite_* – serious alcoholics who have bought in into that “the one to have when you’re having more than one”. They are generally intelligent but argumentative types who secretly resent Milk Stout and Savannah drinkers because that is what they really want to drink. They tend to like quoting statistics, “you know that the calorie content in a regular beer is equivalent to 7 seven loaves of bread” they’ll say as they down their 17th beer.

11. *_Hunter’s Dry_* – reformed beer drinkers or rural types with big
hands (from ploughing).

12. *_Bacardi Breezer/Brutal Fruit/ Hooch/Smirnoff Spin_* – one of two
things, (a) f.ags or (b) newcomers to the drinking game.

13. *_Wine_* – fags.

14. *_J&B/Dewars_* – poor. Cannot tell the difference between whisky and
brandy.

15. *_Jack Daniels/Johnny Walker Red and Black_* – like whisky but do not know the difference between bourbon and a Scotch. Drink whisky because they just like the taste and for standard

16. *_Jameson/Glenfiddick/Chivas/Dimple_* – serious whisky connoisseurs.

17. *_Smirnoff 1818_* – check Carling Black Label description the add
“rapists” to it.

18. *_Mellowood/ Richelieu/ Martell/ Klipdrift (and similar)_* violent.
Call every spirit “brandy”, even Johnnie Walker. If less than 40 in age, poor. Chances are they will own a Kaizer Chiefs/ Pirates makalabha and a vuvuzela to go with it..

19. *_KWV 10/Klipdrift Premium (and similar)_* – actually like brandy.

20. *_KWV 5_* – wannabe brandy connoisseur without the money.

**Women**

1. *_Any beer _* – s.lut.

2. *_Milk Stout_* – p.rostitute.

3. *_Barcadi Breezer/Hooch_* – believe men owe them a living and do not really know that Hooch’s go for R16 a pop at News Cafe because they have never actually bought it for themselves. At their own places you will find Brutal Fruit/Smirnoff Spin empties in their waste.

4. *_Brutal Fruit/Smirnoff Spin_* – cheap bargain hunters you will generally see in the front of the Edgars Red Hanger Sale.

5. *_Wine by the glass_* – pretentious b-tches that think they have arrived because they drive a Peugeot 206/Renault Clio. They live in snazzy townhouse they can’t afford and are probably at the pub looking for a dumb arseh-le to subsidize their car installments/ townhouse rent/overdraft repayments.

6. *_Wine by the bottle_* – (bottles of JC Le Roux, Cold Duck, Graca Rose or similar excluded.) Classy. Powerful. Know what they want and generally have a Beemer parked outside.

7. *_Amarula Cream (and similar)_* – Horny. Like all the time.

8. *_Whisky (any whisky)_* – even hornier.

9. *_Brandy (any brandy)_* – hor*y civil servant types.

10. *_Non drinkers_* – pretentious b-tches that secretly wish they were like the girls in point.