It’s official. Out of an estimated 5.2 million people who are HIV positive in South Africa, none of them are men.

Simply mention, even in passing, HIV to any black brother and you will be met by strong denials “ “Hayi, mina I don’t have Z3/ bioslim / okumhlophe/ Hlengiwe Ivy Vilakazi and so on.”

Men, for some bizarre reason, cannot call the virus by its name. I swear it’s as if by the mere mention of it they will simply get infected.

Strangely enough none of them are HIV positive, even though many have never been tested. I was sharing with colleagues how terrified I was when I went for an HIV test when a male colleague proudly announced that he doesn’t have that “shandis” (that thing).

All his girlfriends (I didn’t bother to ask how many) have healthy babies! “Sho sho mfana,” a couple of male colleagues said, congratulating their friend on his HIV negative status. Inexperienced with this method of “testing”, I asked them what he meant.

I was schooled that if a guy needs to find out his status the best way is to get a “fresh” girl and impregnate her. If the baby turns out “fine” and the mother is still breathing and shows no signs of weight loss after a couple of months after the baby’s birth, then kumoja (it’s alright).

This new lease on life gives the guy a stamp of approval to continue gallivanting. Months later another victim would be organised to make sure that he is still “clean” and on the right path. And if the baby turns out to be positive, I asked.

The shocking response was that it can never happen, because if you choose the right girl (meaning she must be a virgin, church going or fat) you can never get it. Apparently, these young women are immune from getting infected.

If by some stroke of bad luck he starts losing his appetite, sweating at night and gets idrop (a sexually transmitted disease), the young girl is to be accused of witchcraft.

Most men can never face up to the fact that they are positive. To be fair, it’s not easy for any human being. It’s just that men always find someone to blame for the promiscuous behaviour, which leads to this harsh reality.

A family member (depending on who he hates the most), an easy-target neighbour or indeed one of his many girlfriends, will be accused of witchcraft.

Thousands of rands will be spent on so-called sangomas who will do their best to out the evil person who has placed a “speed trap” (a curse called umeqo in Zulu, which the victim has to step over to catch it) on him.

I think I should have called the police to arrest those men. But then again, the police would have to arrest millions of brothers who believe in this method of testing. A woman is never safe, I conclude.

Back in the day we were used as fertility testers by men who were unsure of their childbearing efforts. Now men can joyously test their HIV status. Pathetic!

http://www.women24.com/Women24/Life/Columnists/Article/0,7173,12-147_10814,00.html