They call them Bafana Bafana… S.Africans are sports crazy. Whites love Rugby and cricket and the blacks worship soccer.

But if you want to see all the weaknesses of the blacks and the “New South Africa”… then look no further to the utter farce called: Bafana Bafana.

I find them terribly entertaining. Blacks worship them… like national heroes… like Gods… the only problem is… they’re among the lamest “heros” you’ll ever find… and they get more ridiculous with each passing month.

Back in about 1995(?) (I stand to be corrected), they won the Africa Cup of Nations. It was their greatest achievement. Since then they’ve been sliding down the slippery slope of failure… I think their coach was a guy called Clive Barker (?) who, if I recall, was an ex-Zimbabwean like me. Anyhow… this white guy took Bafana Bafana and made them greater than they ever were… and they reached heights with him which they never reached again…

At the height of their success the White coach got kicked out – why I do not know – and ever since then, Bafana Bafana have deteriorated into the clowns they have now become.

They tried a Portuguese coach, and then kicked his ass out… then they tried a series of black coaches… and then finally… they brought in “the Big Man”… Some white guy from England or Scotland or wherever… His name is Baxter.

And he is almost as entertaining to watch as them… because he’s as lame as they are…

He apparently had some coaching success in some other foreign countries… but unlike the white Zimbabwean… he obviously does not understand how Black Africans think… I suspect that the white guy who raised them to their higher levels, knew a thing or two based on “local knowledge” of blacks… and that may be a large part of the reason Bafana Bafana actually got somewhere… (But ssssshhhh… nobody must ever think like that… its not the right sort of thing to say…)

But this new Baxter guy is too funny. He obviously thinks he’s dealing with people you can reason with… and completely has no grasp of the Black African mindset… (He has sooooo much to learn… I do enjoy watching this liberal Pommie fumbling and bumbling and stumbling with egg on his face… as he gets nowhere… and you can see his frustration)…

For example, they lost a match (which one of so many?) some time back and Baxter was really extremely irritated and irate and defended the black guys saying that it was just a freak incident and they really *ARE* kick ass, etc… (I had such a chuckle).

Apparently, Bafana Bafana are really HOT STUFF… except… nobody else gets to see it… and we only have the coache’s WORD FOR IT!!!

But the most pathetic… in a long line of pathetic and weak excuses… must be the soccer match they lost in the DRC on the weekend. Bafana Bafana have been going so backward that they’re losing to all kinds of loser/useless teams!!! It appears that any backward Third World nation can slaughter us at soccer!!! (We are light years away from European level soccer!!)

So there was Baxter… somehow trying to defend his lame team… for an even lamer performance than the extremely lame ones they’ve managed in the past. So, with a serious look on his face, he was trying to explain why they lost…

Firstly… the news reports said something like: SA lost due to a freak goal by the opposition… Problem is… the score was 0-0 when the opposition managed 1 goal. So what would it have been without the “freak goal?” A draw!!! Not a VICTORY! Anyhow…

There was Baxter, looking all serious, trying to explain why his team lost. (PS: The blacks make money in soccer clubs overseas and have little interest in their “patriotism”, etc… they’re more interested in lining their pockets… Whatever… so some pitch up for practise as and how it suits them… or not…)

So there was Baxter, in probably the lamest performance I have ever seen from a coach of any team, trying to pretend that somehow Bafana Bafana were harrassed/intimidated, etc so as to lose. He says: There were Police at the sports stadium with AK47’s… yeah… as if that would explain… Bafana Bafana was too SCARED to play properly because maybe the Cops were pointing their AK’s at them or gonna threaten to shoot them if they scored a goal maybe? (As if… black S.Africans haven’t seen someone armed with an AK47 before, or a Policeman carrying a rifle… ho hum… we’ve all seen that plenty). But there was Baxter, trying to invent something in the lame situation, trying to make like there was some kind of STRESS on the team… STRESS… that’s why the team did not perform!!!

Meanwhile… a coloured journalist from E-Tv who was in the DRC… was hard pushed to try and find something “wrong”. He said the spirit in the DRC was “amazing” and 100,000 people were at the stadium ready for the match 3 hours before. And the Police were there to handle the people because everyone was so KEEN to see the game… According to him, it was the greatest sports event in that country in years… and everyone was dying to watch it. According to his account, people were keen, and happy and excited…

Quite contrary to Baxter’s dark hints of “stress”… (from what?)

Among the lame things mentioned was something to the effect that maybe Bafana Bafana did not play well BECAUSE THERE WERE SO MANY PEOPLE… Yeah… that’s it… a National Soccer team that is tooo SCARED TO PLAY IN FRONT OF A CROWD!!! Yeah… Maybe that’s it… that’s what Baxter was getting at.

Now I see: They should take Bafana Bafana and put them in an empty stadium and then, when nobody is looking, they’ll play one heck of a kick-ass game!!! Maybe they’ll even win the World Cup… AS LONG AS NOBODY IS WATCHING!!!

So if you’re looking for real comedy entertainment… forget Seinfeld… just look no further than our National Soccer team and their coach. They are just too funny.
Jan